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Finding Joy in Teaching Again

In the last few months, I was stuck with little kiddos day in day out! A first timer in this field, I should say, it is hard!

 Hard because of the following reasons:

1.        **  I set high expectations on them. I should right? To not treat them special, but just like any other regular kids… and this is where I do have the biggest concern! Treating them as regular kids automatically put them to the top of my bar – perform at 100% not 90% not 80% but strictly 100%! No Excuses! This sounds good right? No, not on my list. Why? Because I am mean, really mean! I will get into your system with my stern voice, I will suck your blood with my strictness and I will make you work with no mercy! No love, no care, no holds barred. Scary, right?

2.       ** I have not been in the field of teaching for three years, never taught in a resource class, and not with elementary kids with disabilities! I have been pampered sitting on my desk working on a computer, driving to schools and working with teachers or facilitating a meeting with parents but teach in elementary school?!

3.      **  I have to collaborate with other people who feel they know everything about the kids they don’t see all day! Well… I teach people what to do, right? So get into your place! Uh-oh!

Without seeing it happening, I have fallen in the resist – resent – revenge cycle. For months, I have not allowed anyone to tell me what to do. I covered my ears, hid in the dark, and locked my internal room! I blamed them all. I complained. I pointed fingers. 

 I didn’t realize it was all me and the victims were no less, my little kiddos.

In the process, I have kept myself from enjoying and finding joy in what God has gifted me; the joy of being in the presence of the little kiddos. Now it is giving me goose bumps to remember Jesus and His words, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."  

God has a purpose. Given, I do not want this position; I just forced myself to want it! I could go on and on with all my excuses and it would still be no excuse… no reasons are excuses for how I am becoming.

I remember copying the picture of Pope Francis with his quote “The world tells us to seek success, power and money: God tells us to seek humility, service and love.” The whole time, I wanted to be successful, I tried all teaching strategies that will work best. I modified, deleted and changed structure –and although, I brought in little teeny successes from my little kiddos, it was all because of fear -- simply because I failed to change me. '

 I have forgotten to be humble, to be of service and to love…

I thank God for allowing me to wake up and giving me another chance to find me in these little kiddos. I thank God for another chance to correct, to turn 180 degree and to find joy in the process. 

 I have two more months with them, and I would like these last two months to be filled with happy learning, excitement and high expectations… with just and consideration. 

 So help me God.

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Trial and Error Thingy...

Assessments!!! 

 I should have done this the first day! I was using my gut feeling and it led me nowhere for 2 weeks! .. and then boom! Assessments!!! 

 Now, I know in a batch, I have at least 3-4 groups of different levels! Wow huh? Yep! I will need to find a common ground and then move them to groups! Now, I am seeing a difference in their performance... now, I see less issues, because it isn't too hard for them, it isn't too easy.. but just at their level.. and some pushing to their limits along the way.

 After almost a month of trial and errors, studying learning styles, working on strategies and teaching techniques.. now, I feel I got it! It is hard work! and I've never worked this hard, promise! Lol! But, I love the changes I am seeing from my little ones. I am strict and entering my room means be ready to learn! Oh boy, you've to see how excited they are, not! Lol! but I feel accomplished seeing their progress at the end to the day.

 Oh, it will take a lot more from me and from them to get to the point we all want to be at. There will be more complaints, tantrums and time-outs, but whatever it takes to get there. I am ready. I am here to stay. I will make them learn. Period. 

 ... and I thank God for one week break! Lol!

Valentine's treats from my pupils




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... and the journey continues

As I embrace my new role in public education, I am now looking for ways, strategies and techniques that will work for my students. In trial and error mode, I am able to see what works and what doesn't. Until when I will be in this mode, God only knows! Maybe, until the end of the school year! Lol!

 I have tried the whole brain teaching during my first day, but failed. I have kept the rules, but I have yet to see, what will scare these kids from misbehaving! I have seen a few that may work but decided the next day to go another route, that is, "behave and you will be fed" technique! and a lot more tender loving care!!!

 I have made a personal vow NOT to touch them at all especially when I need to discipline them, because I may hurt them, and that's a no-no, of course! 

 It really gets crazyyyyy!!! First, I am not used to these crowd. Second, I was given the lowest of all, the most behaved-not kids of all, and lastly, I need divine intervention, promise!

 But I am hanging in there! Because, believe it or not, these students bring out something within me that I never thought I have. Patience! Lol!

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Embracing my 4th day!

I would love to think I have all the choices in the world, including acceptance. Better that, anyway, than continue to be in victim mode. Lol! 

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein.


 Right now, I feel like I am a fish being taught how to climb a tree!

 Teaching little ones isn't really my forte. When asked what major in Education I would take, I immediately chose secondary. When asked what major in Special Education I would like to enroll in, I pointed Gifted Education.

 For some reason at this point in my life, everything I do not really want was given to me in a silver platter with all the fancies and addicting hors d'oeruvre. I accepted the offer.

 My first four days was indeed overwhelming! Super! But now, I am doing a 180 degree turn, I am embracing it!

 There is no way to go but this way and if I am a fish being taught to climb a tree, then so be it. There will always be room for learning, space for widening skills and exploring uncharted mountains.

 Who says fish couldn't climb a tree if a good teacher taught it? I have a God who can do so for me. I can do so, for my little special ones. I believe.

 It will take one step at a time to explore gems within me and my special pupils but we will get there. 

 If this is the way to be more, do more and have more, then, I give in with all my heart and soul.

 ... believing something good will really come out of this.. for sure!

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Oh, Lucky 3rd! Oh, Lucky 3rd! :)

“Don't give up before the miracle happens.”  - Fannie Flagg

 Thank God for this message! 

 By the end of 3rd day, my educational assistant warned me of what I need to do in case she will be out on leave, and my eyes were immediately filled with tears .. good thing I held back! "Please don't", I pleaded!

 I wasn't able to contain how overwhelmed I was with everything that while driving, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore... and then the I saw the car... a police car driving the opposite direction... as it turned around with its beautiful blue, white and red lights!

 Nice.. right timing.

 He directly asked for my license, insurance and car registration. I flipped through papers in the compartment and found an insurance dated 12/31/13... great! I haven't printed the new one yet! just perfect. 

 He asked if I changed address and told him, I did... and silently told him 'Sorry, I was just upset'. He then, told me, I was pulled over for driving at 66 mph at 55 speed limit, and was told to wait.

 As usual, I called my hubby, and told him, about being pulled over.

 I closed the windows. 

 After a minute of staring at the mountains... I then, heard a knock, of course, t'was the policeman... He asked, "Are you OK?", I told him, "No.", he asked again, "Why?", I took a deep breath and answered, "I'll just cry if I tell you...", He asked once more "It's not domestic, right?", I answered, "No."

 Then, he continued on with the reason why he was there...

 I was given citation for giving him expired insurance paper.. and I immediately said, "No, I paid, promise! I just wasn't able to print it out", he said, "Ok, all you need to do is to give them a copy of your updated insurance and you should be alright." Then, the magic words... "As for your overspeeding, it will only be a verbal warning this time". 

 Remember this from two years ago? OVERSPEEDING!

 ... and I asked, "Why, why are you forgiving me?" He answered, "I don't know... (he seemed confused too!), it's my discretion", he continued. I told him I could give him a hug and thanked him profusely.

 Before he left, he asked, "Are you sure, you'll be OK?" I answered, "Yes".. "Ok", he said, "Be safe".

 ... and he followed me until I got to the city :)

 God sends miracles. I know.

 ...starting to really believe...Something good will come out of this... somehow...

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Promising 2nd day!

My 2nd day was really promising and hopeful. I was ecstatic with my new thought-of routine and structure... and it seemed to be getting somewhere... 

 Honestly, I now have a new found admiration to our elementary teachers! God has given them a special heart for our little ones. How they put structure, routine and management in a class of multiple abilities is simply amazing! 

 I've never had any educational background with elementary. I remember one time when I applied in one of the elementary schools in the Philippines, I was asked to demonstrate to Kindergarten students.. and I did, and I didn't get the job, hahaha.

 The second time was here in the US, I applied to one of the elementary schools as Special Ed Teacher, and when asked how I feel about teaching small ones, I said, I am not sure.. and was very hesitant! To think I was eager to be interviewed! Lol! .. and yes, I didn't get the job. Thank God!

 Now, God knows I need His divine intervention, and need it badly!

 .... I continue to believe something good will come out of this!

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The First Day of the... what the

I entered the room psychologically ready for my elementary students. Not knowing, I was up for something out of my world!

 Uhmmm, I have not taught school kids for almost 4 years now. I have not had any experience at all teaching elementary pupils and I am up for a surprise! Lol!

 I was ready mentally, physically and emotionally, up until 8:30 that day.

 By 1:30 pm, negative thoughts were already running out of my mind...

 * I can't do this.
* I should go back to my administrative support job.
* If and when I should just go back teaching college students, high school or even middle school students!
* I should just quit and declare my defeat!
* OMG! What am I doing here!

 All expectations, hopes and vision seemed to have gone down the drain. 

 I was overwhelmed by the simplicity of what I am going to teach! Weird huh?! I was overwhelmed by the work load! I was overwhelmed by how I can make it work for them and for me! 

 I was simply frustrated because I was expecting more... but shouldn't and I honestly wasn't really sure if I was effective as I should be.

 It was my first day.. and I was punishing myself for not having done well, using my own standards. Yes, using my own standards.

 Thanks to all the support from new co-teachers, friends and family, by 6:00 pm, I have taken the challenge to continue on this journey! But, yes, still considering another offer of an administrative job by 11:00 pm. Lol!

 I breathed in and out!
I brainstormed... and got myself ready for my 2nd day....

 .... believing something really good will come out of this!

 Cheers!

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My New Workplace

So, prior to my official start date at my new workplace. I dragged my husband to help me clean my future classroom so it will be ready on my first day of work. 

 Love how it looked afterwards - organized, clean and sanitized, and everything in place :)


I know it is one thing to have the room ready, and another to actually teach elementary students for the first time in my entire life!!!

 I am up for something crazy and new for sure!!!

 Breathing in and out! LOL!

 ... believing something really good will come out of this! 

 Cheers!

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Back to School Again!

Great Day!

After more than three years as an IEP Faciliator/Writer, I have chosen to go back to school to teach again! The challenge now is that I will be handling Grades 3-5 special education students and some gifted students. Though certified to teach Pre-K to Grade 12; my sole teaching experience with elementary students was during our practicum years in college to regular education students! Most of my experiences were teaching middle, high school and college students!

I know it will be a fun-filled, exciting, and adventurous 2014 for me as I Explore Gems... One Step at a Time. 

Gems within me, within my future students as I will start in a week's time, and gems in the process of learning, relearning and unlearning!

Join me as I document insights, thoughts and inspirations caught along the way!

NAMASTE.

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