Exploring Gems: One Step at a Time

I would love to think I have all the choices in the world, including acceptance. Better that, anyway, than continue to be in victim mode. Lol! 

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein.

Right now, I feel like I am a fish being taught how to climb a tree!

Teaching little ones isn't really my forte. When asked what major in Education I would take, I immediately chose secondary. When asked what major in Special Education I would like to enroll in, I pointed Gifted Education.

For some reason at this point in my life, everything I do not really want was given to me in a silver platter with all the fancies and addicting hors d'oeruvre. I accepted the offer.

My first four days was indeed overwhelming! Super! But now, I am doing a 180 degree turn, I am embracing it!

There is no way to go but this way and if I am a fish being taught to climb a tree, then so be it. There will always be room for learning, space for widening skills and exploring uncharted mountains.

Who says fish couldn't climb a tree if a good teacher taught it? I have a God who can do so for me. I can do so, for my little special ones. I believe.

It will take one step at a time to explore gems within me and my special pupils but we will get there. 

If this is the way to be more, do more and have more, then, I give in with all my heart and soul.

... believing something good will really come out of this.. for sure!

“Don't give up before the miracle happens.”  - Fannie Flagg

Thank God for this message! 

By the end of 3rd day, my educational assistant warned me of what I need to do in case she will be out on leave, and my eyes were immediately filled with tears .. good thing I held back! "Please don't", I pleaded!

I wasn't able to contain how overwhelmed I was with everything that while driving, I couldn't hold back the tears anymore... and then the I saw the car... a police car driving the opposite direction... as it turned around with its beautiful blue, white and red lights!

Nice.. right timing.

He directly asked for my license, insurance and car registration. I flipped through papers in the compartment and found an insurance dated 12/31/13... great! I haven't printed the new one yet! just perfect. 

He asked if I changed address and told him, I did... and silently told him 'Sorry, I was just upset'. He then, told me, I was pulled over for driving at 66 mph at 55 speed limit, and was told to wait.

As usual, I called my hubby, and told him, about being pulled over.

I closed the windows. 

After a minute of staring at the mountains... I then, heard a knock, of course, t'was the policeman... He asked, "Are you OK?", I told him, "No.", he asked again, "Why?", I took a deep breath and answered, "I'll just cry if I tell you...", He asked once more "It's not domestic, right?", I answered, "No."

Then, he continued on with the reason why he was there...

I was given citation for giving him expired insurance paper.. and I immediately said, "No, I paid, promise! I just wasn't able to print it out", he said, "Ok, all you need to do is to give them a copy of your updated insurance and you should be alright." Then, the magic words... "As for your overspeeding, it will only be a verbal warning this time". 

Remember this from two years ago? OVERSPEEDING!

... and I asked, "Why, why are you forgiving me?" He answered, "I don't know... (he seemed confused too!), it's my discretion", he continued. I told him I could give him a hug and thanked him profusely.

Before he left, he asked, "Are you sure, you'll be OK?" I answered, "Yes".. "Ok", he said, "Be safe".

... and he followed me until I got to the city :)

God sends miracles. I know.

...starting to really believe...Something good will come out of this... somehow...

My 2nd day was really promising and hopeful. I was ecstatic with my new thought-of routine and structure... and it seemed to be getting somewhere... 

Honestly, I now have a new found admiration to our elementary teachers! God has given them a special heart for our little ones. How they put structure, routine and management in a class of multiple abilities is simply amazing! 

I've never had any educational background with elementary. I remember one time when I applied in one of the elementary schools in the Philippines, I was asked to demonstrate to Kindergarten students.. and I did, and I didn't get the job, hahaha.

The second time was here in the US, I applied to one of the elementary schools as Special Ed Teacher, and when asked how I feel about teaching small ones, I said, I am not sure.. and was very hesitant! To think I was eager to be interviewed! Lol! .. and yes, I didn't get the job. Thank God!

Now, God knows I need His divine intervention, and need it badly!

.... I continue to believe something good will come out of this!

I entered the room psychologically ready for my elementary students. Not knowing, I was up for something out of my world!

Uhmmm, I have not taught school kids for almost 4 years now. I have not had any experience at all teaching elementary pupils and I am up for a surprise! Lol!

I was ready mentally, physically and emotionally, up until 8:30 that day.

By 1:30 pm, negative thoughts were already running out of my mind...

* I can't do this.
* I should go back to my administrative support job.
* If and when I should just go back teaching college students, high school or even middle school students!
* I should just quit and declare my defeat!
* OMG! What am I doing here!

All expectations, hopes and vision seemed to have gone down the drain. 

I was overwhelmed by the simplicity of what I am going to teach! Weird huh?! I was overwhelmed by the work load! I was overwhelmed by how I can make it work for them and for me! 

I was simply frustrated because I was expecting more... but shouldn't and I honestly wasn't really sure if I was effective as I should be.

It was my first day.. and I was punishing myself for not having done well, using my own standards. Yes, using my own standards.

Thanks to all the support from new co-teachers, friends and family, by 6:00 pm, I have taken the challenge to continue on this journey! But, yes, still considering another offer of an administrative job by 11:00 pm. Lol!

I breathed in and out!
I brainstormed... and got myself ready for my 2nd day....

.... believing something really good will come out of this!

Cheers!

So, prior to my official start date at my new workplace. I dragged my husband to help me clean my future classroom so it will be ready on my first day of work. 

Love how it looked afterwards - organized, clean and sanitized, and everything in place :)

I know it is one thing to have the room ready, and another to actually teach elementary students for the first time in my entire life!!!

I am up for something crazy and new for sure!!!

Breathing in and out! LOL!

... believing something really good will come out of this! 

Cheers!