In the last few months, I was stuck with little kiddos day
in day out! A first timer in this field, I should say, it is hard!
Hard because of the following reasons:
Hard because of the following reasons:
1. ** I set high expectations on them. I should right?
To not treat them special, but just like any other regular kids… and this is
where I do have the biggest concern! Treating them as regular kids
automatically put them to the top of my bar – perform at 100% not 90% not 80%
but strictly 100%! No Excuses! This sounds good right? No, not on my list. Why?
Because I am mean, really mean! I will get into your system with my stern voice,
I will suck your blood with my strictness and I will make you work with no
mercy! No love, no care, no holds barred. Scary, right?
2. ** I have not been in the field of teaching for
three years, never taught in a resource class, and not with elementary kids
with disabilities! I have been pampered sitting on my desk working on a
computer, driving to schools and working with teachers or facilitating a
meeting with parents but teach in elementary school?!
3. ** I have to collaborate with other people who feel
they know everything about the kids they don’t see all day! Well… I teach
people what to do, right? So get into your place! Uh-oh!
Without seeing it happening, I have fallen in the resist – resent
– revenge cycle. For months, I have
not allowed anyone to tell me what to do. I covered my ears, hid in the dark,
and locked my internal room! I blamed them all. I complained. I pointed fingers.
I didn’t realize it was all me and the victims were no less, my little kiddos.
I didn’t realize it was all me and the victims were no less, my little kiddos.
In the process, I have kept myself from enjoying and finding
joy in what God has gifted me; the joy of being in the presence of the little kiddos.
Now it is giving me goose bumps to remember Jesus and His words, "Let
the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of
heaven belongs to such as these."
God has a purpose. Given, I do not want this position; I
just forced myself to want it! I could go on and on with all my excuses and it
would still be no excuse… no reasons are excuses for how I am becoming.
I remember copying the picture of Pope Francis with his
quote “The world tells us to seek success, power and money: God tells us to
seek humility, service and love.” The whole time, I wanted to be successful, I
tried all teaching strategies that will work best. I modified, deleted and
changed structure –and although, I brought in little teeny successes from my
little kiddos, it was all because of fear -- simply because I failed to change me. '
I have forgotten to be humble, to be of service and to love…
I have forgotten to be humble, to be of service and to love…
I thank God for allowing me to wake up and giving me another
chance to find me in these little kiddos. I thank God for another chance to
correct, to turn 180 degree and to find joy in the process.
I have two more months with them, and I would like these last two months to be filled with happy learning, excitement and high expectations… with just and consideration.
So help me God.
I have two more months with them, and I would like these last two months to be filled with happy learning, excitement and high expectations… with just and consideration.
So help me God.
